D-270 of doing "Niskama Karma"!

Days are going like river flowing in a downward slope!

Life is getting monotonous with a 9 AM coming to the library, 9 hours of studying in the library and 9 PM going back to home - of course, with a bit of deviations!

Uncertainty hits hard when you realise it's been 3 months since you resigned and the progress is slow and steady, not what you imagined!

Things are blurry, but I march on, no matter what!

I just pray to the almighty to give me strength to stay consistent and stay disciplined, because it's not a happy feeling to be at my place for long! :)

Changing my Blog's Name & Many Things!

I am writing after a long time here, I will try my best to be authentic as always and It will be a random yet continuous flow of emotions into words, there are many things I will talk about, most importantly changing the name of this blog.

From now on, it will be renamed as "Kaptaan Saab - A Journal of Personal Growth & Transformation". I know it's a bit long one as compared to "A Captain's Thoughts", but it will act as a journal where I will try to find time and journal my daily stuffs and random thoughts.

Since childhood I have dreamt of becoming someone who will fight hard for the country and someone who will have some power or authority to bring changes in the ground and someone who will do good for his people so that they remember him as a story of inspiration to tell for generations to come!

I am not using fancy words to impress my readers here. These were few criteria I have always tried to work upon so that I can fulfill my personal and professional aspirations.

Today is June 21, when being a part of Northern Hemisphere, we see the longest day. Lol, it was a question in this year's UPSC Prelims too! Yes, I gave Prelims this year on 16th of June 2024 and the same night (17th June) I had to start for Varanasi for my interviews at BHU for MBA and MPMIR Programmes. 18th we reached, got some rest and 19th I had two interviews. It went okay, nothing great. So everything seems blurry right now. Let's see! Right now, I am traveling to Sealdah (A station near to Howrah/Kolkata), and then I will change a train to get back to hometown, again I have an interview on 24th June for TISS for MHA. I have to prepare a bit for it.

Sometimes it feels amidst all these chaos, it's difficult to focus on single thing. I am not complaining. It is what it is. I have to take up the responsibility of earning bread and butter, at the same time, I want to fulfill my goals and aspirations. It's such a paradoxical world. Atleast I have resigned from the last job on 27th May 2024. Everything was good, it's just I was not able to study there well plus the stuffs I was working on has little or less value. But if I want a well paying job, ofcourse I need to study for that and time is not there. So, I had decided to give one year to UPSC or State Civil Services Preparation! Also, after 16th June I thought I will cut off social media and everything and will become a ghost till 17th December (My birthday, ofcourse), but again, the world has become so much interconnected and tough, without social media it feels left off and you are going to miss information, which otherwise could be helpful.

We complain a lot, isn't it so?

Recently I watched one movie in YouTube, it was about Mr. Govind, IAS, who was the son of a Rickshaw wala. Also, I watched 12th Fail again. Recently I visited IG Park when I was in Bhubaneswar for an evening walk and it was astonishing to see few students studying there amidst the chaos under the sunlight and when evening comes under the lamps of the park. If they can do it, why can't we? I really wish and pray to God to give them strength to do well in their lives. Sometimes I think, it's the social conditioning and nurturing we have received in childhood, that whenever we feel 10-20% of what IAS Govind Sir or IPS Manoj Sir have faced, we tend to break or atleast we feel why we are suffering this much! We are so privileged to travel in AC Coaches, having the money to get the best resources online and getting all amount of support, food, shelter, still we are not there? Why?

I feel it's because of us. We are responsible for whatever state we are in. Honestly I feel it's not like in Tata Power or Applied Materials I didn't get time. I didn't utilise the same well. Else, during the recent conversation with IAS Amol Awate Sir (Gujrat Cadre), he told me how he was in operational areas and still studied 2-3 hours daily by waking up and study with low visibility. It's all about how badly you want it and how dedicated you are for it. So yeah, these last 3-4 years 3 attempts failures are on me. I take ownership of that!

But is that all? Success in UPSC CSE requires 4 Factors (Copied from Satyam Jain Sir - Understand UPSC Channel) -

G - Guidance, H - Hardwork, E - Execution,

L - Luck. Even if, I have the first three, still I am not sure what will happen after one year. And, hence, considering the age factor and responsibilities, also the IT market is not in a great shape, also the GMAT is not a viable option as the cost is quite high, I am not sure if I can go for full fledged preparation as a single goal for this one year (2024-25). But yes, if I am not getting anything like BHU or TISS, then ofcourse I have to prepare solely for UPSC CSE.

There are many things, like I have to build up my freelancing work for Photography, I have to build a good portfolio there. Also, I need to work on the riding page to add more videos so that the investment in DJI Osmo Action 4 is justified. Also, let's see if I can spare some time to gain some money from content writing or something else.

Everything is stacked up and I feel life will be a hustle always if you dream High and if you aim high. Else no one is stopping me to settle for less like in an IT job.

I need to work on the quote: "You need 3 hobbies, one to keep you in shape, one to keep you creative and one to make money."

Let's see how everything goes.

Jay Jagannath! Namah Shivaya!

I will upload few pictures from now on in every blog as a part of my journal:

The last evening at Chandra Layout, Bangalore

When nothing works fine, you find all your answers when you spend time with him, the only truth, Shiva!

The only workplace among all past work places where I enjoyed working and I am indeed grateful to the amazing team I had. I literally had teary eyes while leaving from office in my last working day. But kahin pahanchne ke liye kahin se nikalna zaroori hai!

(Went to temple after LWD, it was a great time with myself)

My cousin brother's engagement!

Namah Shivaya! @Vishwanath Temple, BHU

Take care! :)

Some incidents leave their footprints on sands of our memory forever!

Why?

I am writing this blog after a long gap! I know!

I have been super busy in my studies and at my work. I didn't get any time, last one week or around 10 days, I was in Odisha. Meeting parents and spending time with them, ofcourse it's important, but while exercising duties of a son, I neglected Karma for being a civil servant, I missed my studies which would have taken me closer to my goal.

And, yeah, being a hardcore believer of exquisite planning - neat execution - learning from failures - improvising and repeat the cycle till I get it right : I am working on my goal as much as I can!

I don't know about others, it's just me and the almighty and I want to stay as transperant as I can and hence, have opened an YouTube Channel so that I can record my study sessions. Little bit distractions are there, that's natural, I hope I just get better with time!!

Yes, so why do you want to become a civil servant? This is a very important question! If you don't know it, I am not sure about Civil Services, but yeah, for Armed forces it was very much needed else it's just not you who will be a casualty, you will be the reason of sorrow for 120 Men and their families! So yeah, there are a lot of reasons. Even sometimes I get confused which one to choose, every service has its own pros and cons. I just need to see, where I will fit in the best. And, I know I will do well.

I am writing this blog this evening as before 30 minutes I had my dinner at KFC. It was a rainy evening and as I choose always the corner seat to enjoy solitude, I sat and was having my meal - a chicken burger and some chicken popcorns!! There are few kids here, who play outside near the footpath, when I went in the afternoon to have my coffee, they were so happy and climbing up a tree and playing with each other, I mean, sometimes people have a lot, more than what is needed, still they want more and more and there is no end to it, whereas some people are happy with minimal things in life. Maybe those kids were not eaten, still happy and playing, when I was having my dinner, one of the kids came outside the glass and asked for food, I don't know how to express it, it just makes me sad. I mean, inside few kids were having cold drinks and food and in rain outside those kids are looking at food and begging for it! Two different worlds, so far yet so closely I saw. It just moved me for a second.

After my food, I went to buy chocolates and chocopies for them, but only one kid was there, I gave him! He smiled so beautifully, maybe in rarest of rare occasions, I have seen such happiness!! I felt good. I am not glorifying myself that I did a great job, nor I took any photo or ever shall I do such things of posting those in social media to showcase own greatness or whatever.

Here, the point is very different.

Along with my other reasons, I am going to mention it in one of the story. I want to work for such people - underprivileged and maybe they need someone who will help them so that they can become something good in life.

Similarly, day before yesterday, one lady came, she was very old and she came to recharge her phone but the shop was closed. The momowala bhaiya requested us to recharge her phone and she gave us the cash. I don't know, maybe people like her, if not having a son or daughter or anyone to take care of them, how they would be doing, they might be roaming like this requesting people to help them! It's just sad.

I am not a socialist, but why don't we help underprivileged and poor people, along with a lot of good things I learnt from my parents, I have learnt to help people in need. That gives a sense of happiness and a joy of giving, it feels so nice. Maybe it was very very small thing, but I feel good.

And, to bring a change for such a large sub-continent like ours, even after being a bureaucrat I don't know what I can do, but I will try from my end, wherever I am, changes happen from one person, and that person leads and guides others. I want to be that torch bearer.

May my country be the best and may the Almighty help all these people. I shall keep them in prayers. Also, I will try my best not to waste food from today, I can't really forget two faces of the same kid in two different instances - During afternoon a joyful kid and during evening a kid who is begging food for being hungry. 

Jay Jagannath!

Which one is you among these categories?

Before you want to see which category you fall into if you don't introspect enough, first of all be an Essentialist. That's much needed for being a better human being. Else, officers? Some are so fuckall to be a human being in every kind of services I have personally experienced.

If you are one of these below categories, change yourself for a better tomorrow:

This answer is #copied from Quora.

1. The Frogs: They do only one thing in the whole day-Hop from one coaching to other.

Coachings for GS, for optional, for CSAT, for essay, for ethics, for current affairs, for answer writing, for prelims crash course, for revision, for DAF filling,for hobbies etc.

2. The Kabadiwalas: They come here to become a district collector, but return as a books collector.

These people have more useless books than the local kabadiwalas.

3. Chai Chaudhary: Only sacrosanct thing in their daily schedule is chai-pe-charcha in evenings. Usually found in a group of 5–6. They are probationers of becoming point number 4 (below).

4. The Gyani Babas: They pretend to know everything about UPSC. They can even predict cutoffs. Sight of a pair of ears is their trigger point. Whenever they see ears, the enlightening gyaan starts flowing from them.

5. Extinct in the Wild: They live alone in excessive seclusion and have no idea about what’s going on in the real world. Studying without break often exhaust them early in the race. (excessive is keyword here)

6. The Intellectuals: We are a product of an education system where cramming is most rewarded trait. For 17 yrs of schooling we are trained to do one thing- mug up things, write those things in exam, score high, showoff, buy new golden guide, repeat.

But when we start out preparation for UPSC, we have this urge to delve into the world of intellectualism. We want talk like intellectuals, walk like intellectuals and laugh like intellectuals. Soon we come to category of point number 2.

Don't be either of these.

Have the attitude of a Champion,

But, Hustle like an underdog, every damn day!

Jai Hind! 🇮🇳

Life and UPSC

Today's post will be a #Copied one from Telegram (LBSNAA Talks):

I am reposting this because my thoughts are quite a match with this.

So here it is:

Guys.... Do you know?? 🤔
Noone cares  ki tm Kitna pain me ho?☹️
Noone cares ki  tmhre pas kitni problems  ?😕
Noone cares ki tmhri financial  condition kya h ?😣
Noone cares ki tm sch me  khush ho bhi ya nhi 😖
Noone cares ki tmko kin chizo se tklif hoti h😩
Noone cares ki tm Kitna andr toote huye ho😫
Noone cares ki tmhri kitni fat* pdi h
🥺😒☹️
Sch me yrr kisi ko ghnta frk n pdta😖😖..... tmhre hone se / ya n hone se🥺😔

Sb apne mtlb  se milte h tmse
Sbki apni apni alg alg need hoti h😒

Jb tk wo fulfill  hoti h ..... tb tk all okk ☹️
But jb wo bnd huyi ..... unka tmhre liye  behavior  automatically  change ho jayega ....😏

Trust me guys ....🫠
Sch me kisi ko koi frk n pdta
Or jb unko frk nhi pdta ...... to tmko kyu frk pdta h ??. 😬
Ki 4 log kya sochege .....🙄🤫

In 4 logo ne hi hmari life ko barbad  kiya huya h ....  hr chiz me ye log aa jate ....🥺😫😖🤬

To please in 4 logo /society / parents pressure  me akr 
Unki demands ko fulfill  n kre 😒😏

Unke liye apne  aim se compromise  n kre 🤓

Ap jo krna chahte h ap whi kre 🤩

Wrna soch lo 😟
Duniya to  kl bhi tmko criticize  krti thi☹️.... aj bhi krti h😒 .... aaage bhi kregi ..... 😫

In sbme ap kbhi khush nhi rh paoge ....😖

Or jb 60 ki age me ventilator pr hoge🤒 ..... samne sare doctors hoge😷 .... or antim Saanse  jb le rhe hoge 🤕 .... to andr se bs ek hi awaj aayegi ....😳

kash Mai  wo apna aim pura  kr Pata😖.. jo mene bchpan me apni aankho me sajaya tha🥺.... jiske liye mere dil ki dhadkati h ❤️.... kyuki us wkt koi tmhre sath nhi hoga ....🥺

n wo society  jo roz tmhe  criticize krti thi, 😖

n tmhre parents jo bilkul against  the tmhre aim ke .... kyuki unko wo bekar ki chiz lgti thi ... 😩

Or n tmhre friends jo bolte the .... "tu kya teer  mar lega isme .... tere bs ki nhi h"😖

To aise  logo se meri hath jodkr  request  h 🙏..... dusro ke liye apne aim ke sath koi compromise  nhi ...👊🫶🫶✌️

Kyuki jb koi koshish krke bhi apne aim hasil nhi kr Pata to bahut tklif hoti h lgta h jese sb khtm ho gya .... ab kuch bcha hi nhi life me  .... 😫😩🥺😓

But ap to apne life ke aim ke sath  compromise  krke  .... uski khud hi apne hatho se hatya kr rhe☠ ....to jimmedar bhi ap khud hoge.... 👿
To please dusro ki नजरों में  itna Mahan  bnane ki koshish n kre ....🙏✌️

Zindgi ek bar mili❤️ .... jo chaho wo kro 💗.... agr isme bhi apne According  n jee paye to kya hi krege fir💞 .... dusro ka sochna bnd kre ....❌ khud ka sochna shuru kre ✔️☑️

And last me bs itna hi ..😍😘❤️

Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever.💓💓
         Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe.💗💗
           So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count!💕💕

Thank you

How was it? Did you feel the spark inside? So work hard for yourself and you will achieve your goals!

I hope it will be helpful! :)

Draining Physically, Mentally & Emotionally! But, It's okay! Matter of an year!

This is so true!

There will be a moment when you will feel like you don't deserve it, you are not for it, you should settle for less, you should just stop now, you are done with it, you gave your best and you need to stop, you should just give up!!! That's the point you are tested to its core.

Maybe someone else's hardship and your hardship are two different things in a parallel universe. But, you just consider yourself as the only and biggest competition. Look yourself in the mirror and say, fucking I am going to do it, no matter what, no matter what it takes. It's no fun game for me, I have put on my game face not to show off but show everyone else how it's done, amidst all the hardships, amidst everything!! You call yourself a leader, who inspire people? Prove it, prove it with your pen? Nah! Pen might be mightier than sword, but here action speaks louder than words.

Just step out of your comfort zone, nothing grows in a comfort zone, you will grow as a human being in the process of learning. Ofcourse your goal is to crack the exam, but that should not be your sole goal, you are larger than this, your aspirations, your true self, your purpose as a man in this life is larger than cracking this overhyped examination! You have done great things in past, when I say great things, it doesn't really matter if you have done great things, have you stepped out of your comfort zone, fought with inner self and did something in pain, and still achieve it? Be it a small thing! Be it attending class daily, while you are literally limping, be it you are able to push yourself for that extra 15 minutes even after working in office amidst data for 10 hours, when literally you brain says it needs rest!

Human beings can do everything and anything - this belief is important in life and you shall overcome the hurdles just like that! You must learn to be tough, you must learn to say come on rather than being a cry baby and say why me! Okay! Whatever happened we can't change it, but what remains ahead, that is in our control!

Don't be so comfortable, when you are being comfortable you are giving your weaker self to dominate and win, you are letting those voices win who once said you can't do it, you are letting those doubts win, you are letting those Haha reactions win when you asked a silly doubt in the class, you are letting those people win whom you don't even consider as competition!

Someone somewhere is training hard, maybe harder than you, what are you doing?

As they say, 'Sapne tab poore honge zab neend adhuri hogi!'

Be fucking merciless, it's just a matter of time, endure pain, it will take you to a sweet victory where you will smile and say yourself, yes I did it! I persisted and I did it!

I don't know you! But I know myself. Every fucking battle in this world is won in the mind. It's 99% thinking about the problem and 1% about solving it! It's how good I strategize things and execute things, even if I fail, I strategize again, execute again, if I fail, I am knocked down, I will get up and fight again, that's me, I have been like this, indomitable spirit they used to call me in my Engineering college, someone who never gives up at anything. This battle is going to be intense and personal with my inner self - who says to be comfortable. But, I will win, no matter what. Watch me.

Jay Jagannath!

April Started Already!

This is a picture very close to my heart, I was using a LeEco LeTv phone at that time and lol that got stolen in the academy! But yeah, this was the last picture taken before I left to join Army and my father had posted this in Facebook.

In public, though he has never supported me to go into Armed Forces, but yeah as he himself cleared it for Airforce, he never stopped me as well, he took me to all the military entrance tests to Cuttack and this post, I love it so much as it shows he was and is indeed proud of where I was going!

Anything else?

Today was CSAT Test, I did 20/25 questions, some questions seemed absurd, but yeah, I think I hit 100% accuracy, I feel bad and sad sometimes when I see folks preparing day and night and with a full time job of a Senior Data Scientist, it is difficult to focus and work with same timeline. But yeah, I believe in trying my level best so that I don't want to regret later. It's being tough day by day and I feel sometimes to give up, but I won't, I never did, I never will.

Jay Jagannath! ❤️